indiana injury and family lawyer blog

There has been a lot of buzz recently about the increasing use of so-called “divorce coaches” in Indiana and throughout the country.Our Highland divorce attorneys can most certainly understand the benefit of having someone to help you work through the emotional turmoil of a divorce, as well as help you organize and prepare your finances and other documents.

It must be noted, however, that most of these “coaches” are not lawyers, and a lawyer is the first person you need to meet with if you are thinking of filing for a divorce. This is because a divorce attorney will advise you on, legally, all the things you will need to consider. At the end of the day, divorce is a legal process, and you need to make sure your assets, child custody considerations and your other rights are protected.

Back in the 1990s, we began to see an increase of so-called “life coaches.” These are people who are not necessarily counselors, but they will advise you in areas of relationships and intimacy, hot to handle stress, planning your career, spiritual growth, healthy living, parenting, etc.

Divorce coaching, which didn’t really get a start until the early 2000s, is similar, except the focus is all geared toward the divorce process. In some cases, couples may even choose to work together with a divorce coach – though, again – you have to be careful with this because you don’t want to jeopardize yourself from a legal standpoint by working with your soon-to-be-ex outside the courtroom. Always consult with an attorney before you engage in such sessions.

In some cases, divorce coaches will offer “pre-legal advice.” Generally, this is advertised as a way to help people get organized before a divorce. They help you round up legal documents, tax papers, bank statements, etc. before you see a lawyer. This sounds like a good idea on the surface, but you have to be careful here for two reasons:

1. Your “coach,” not being entirely familiar with the intricate aspects of family law, as spelled out in the Indiana Code, may not know exactly what you need or what someone in your exact circumstances will face. This is what your attorney is for.

2. You don’t want to have to pay twice for the same thing. You know you are going to have to consult with a divorce attorney at some point anyway. Your attorney can be the one to tell you what documents are necessary, and which may be expendable.

The other service these individuals offer is sometimes referred to as “hand-holding.” This might actually be one positive service. We know that some amount of venting is normal. But we realize you may not want to pay an attorney for his or her time to listen, and friends and family may be either biased or can’t be the emotional rock you need right now. In these cases, having a neutral third party may be beneficial.

However, you should understand that these are not individuals who necessarily have a degree or certification in therapy or counseling. Their advice is not going to be made on the basis of any medical knowledge and they won’t be able to diagnose or treat you if you do fall into a depression or suffer other health-related issues. Those kind of issues are specifically for a therapist or counselor or your physician, and again, it comes down to whether you want to ultimately end up paying two people for the same service.

And finally, divorce coaches advertise helping you get organized. But again, your Indiana divorce attorney can usually better tell you what it is your going to need to be adequately prepared for your case.

The bottom line is that relying entirely on a “divorce coach” to help you get started may end up costing you more in the long-run.
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A couple begins arguing over allegations that the man is cheating on the woman.The fight escalates to physical violence, with the man reportedly head-butting the woman, causing her to require stitches.

The woman subsequently files for divorce.

Indiana divorce lawyers know that this type of scenario is frighteningly common that it would hardly garner any attention at all, were it not for the fact that it involved former NBA star Chad Johnson and his reality star wife, Evelyn Lozada.

The only real difference here is that as far as we know, the violence Johnson reportedly inflicted on his wife occurred only once before she left him. Sadly in most cases, the abuse may stretch on for decades before the victim decides he or she is ready to leave.

During a divorce action, at-risk spouses must be particularly careful. In fact, intimate partner homicides are twice as likely to occur during a separation or divorce than at any other time. That’s why it is critical if you have been a victim of domestic violence prior to filing — or if you suspect your partner may be capable of violence — that you discretely consult with an attorney who has experience in handling similar cases. An experienced attorney will understand the type of plan that must be formulated in order to ensure your protection – and it does require planning.

Unfortunately, oftentimes the spouse who is being left can not accept that it’s actually over. Johnson may be a perfect example. Following his wife’s filing, he proceeded to get a large tattoo of her face on his leg. When asked if they were getting back together, he publicly stated he did not care what she had filed, the pair would remain married. He has also refused to sign divorce papers. She, meanwhile, maintains that she is moving forward with the proceeding in order to protect herself.

While this case illustrates that no one is immune from domestic violence, it’s true that Lozada may have resources that most abused spouses do not. This is where the careful planning comes in.

Here are some general steps that need to be taken:

Meet with a family law attorney who is experienced in situations with domestic violence. We can assist you in determining the safest way to leave. We can offer discrete consultations about what your options are, what documents and other items you need to gather (if you can do so safely), how you can protect your children, where you can seek shelter and whether law enforcement should be involved. Some of the things you will likely need to have before you go include: Important documents (license, passport, health insurance card, green card, house deed, etc.), medications, money and/or checkbooks and/or credit cards, clothing and jewelry and copies of unpaid bills.

Your family law attorney can also help you file for a temporary civil restraining order. It’s true that a piece of paper may not keep someone away if he or she is determined, but it does give you some legal recourse and protection.

Locate a woman’s shelter and social-service resources for abused spouses and children. Your attorney can help you with this as well.

Talk to your employer and your children’s school administrators about your situation so you can avoid any inadvertent disclosure of your location or any other information.

Get a cell phone to which your ex will not have the number and give it out only to a very select few people you know and trust.
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A divorce and subsequent fight for child custody can be two of the most trying things you may ever endure. Many people liken it to dealing with a death.Indiana child custody lawyers know it is the end of whatever dream you may have had for a future with you and your spouse together. Plus, you feel as if you’re losing your whole family. It’s understandable that mounting frustrations can bubble over, and that’s often where it gets ugly.

Having an experienced attorney, of course, is the best thing you can do to protect your rights and to try and eliminate as much of the unnecessary emotion as possible from the equation.

But you have to be careful of how you express those negative emotions. Whether it’s a nasty e-mail to your ex, a post on Facebook or, in this case, a song on YouTube that includes threats against the judge, it can sometimes jeopardize the merits of your divorce case or child custody dispute. It may even result in criminal charges, as it did in U.S. v. Jeffries, recently reviewed by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit.

This was a case out of Tennessee, and although divorce and child custody laws vary significantly from state-to-state, the basic concept is relevant anywhere in the country.

In this case, the man was embroiled in a bitter custody battle for his young daughter. He had been actively seeking greater visitation time with his daughter. In his frustration, he penned a song detailing his emotions. Half of the song talked about relationships between fathers and daughters and the importance of spending time together. Conversely, the rest of the song is a litany of complaints about the legal system, his ex-wife – and the judge. With regard to the latter, the amateur musician threatens in his song to kill the judge if he does not grant him greater custody rights.

The man performed the song, complete with acoustic guitar, and posted a video rendition on YouTube.

It includes such lines as, “I guarantee you, if you don’t stop, I’ll kill you,” and, “If I have to kill a judge or a lawyer or a woman I don’t care.”

This was several days before a re-hearing on his visitation rights. He uploaded the video and shared it with several friends and family members. He dedicated the song to the judge. The video was also shared with a state representative, a local television station and a fathers’ advocacy group.

He tried to take it down 24 hours later, but by that point, it had been forwarded multiple times, including to his ex-wife, who then forwarded it to the judge.

Law enforcement viewed the video, and the case was forwarded to federal prosecutors, who charged him with violating 18. U.S.C. 875 (c), which prohibits transmission in interstate commerce of any communication that contains a threat to injure another person.

By law, the threat must be “objectively real” in that a reasonable person could have concluded that the threat was true. Regardless of his intent, the question before the jury was whether a reasonable person could have perceived a potential for a viable threat. His defense attorneys argued that he meant no actual harm to the judge.

Ultimately, both the trial court and later the appeals court determined that the threats were objectively true. A conviction on this charge carries a maximum penalty of up to two years in federal prison.

What’s more, as a convicted felon, this father may have lost any chances at increased or sustained visitation.

It’s a sad case, but the lesson here is critical: If you need help working through this incredibly stressful time – seek it in the form of counseling. Let us take care of the rest. And keep your life out of social media until your case concludes.
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